Why Are You Here?
by 22-Ti
Summary: "Why are you here?" "Because I love you." You can't love me. I'm not lovable. Just leave. Beca struggles with a serious injury and takes her frustrations out on her fiancee. Can Chloe find it in her heart to forgive her?. Note: Continuation of Why are you here from Bechloe Week 2019
1. Why Are You Here?

_**A/N: This is a continuation of the Why Are You Here? story in Bechloe Week 2019. This first chapter is exactly as written there. I posted it for story continuity for readers who may not have read Bechloe Week 2019. There will be a total of three chapters.**_

* * *

Beca turned over in her darkened room and saw a figure sitting in the chair. Not much light entered the room, but she could see the woman's scarlet hair. Besides she would recognize Chloe anywhere. She tried to not sigh in frustration. Her ex-fiancée would not go away.

Somehow Chloe sensed she was awake and came to stand next to the bed, reaching down to hold her hand. Beca pulled away as she had done each time before. "Why are you here?" Beca's voice was gruff and gravelly from disuse.

"I've told you Beca. Because I love you."

This time the woman's sigh was audible. "You can't love me. I'm not lovable. Just leave."

As badly as Chloe's heart hurt to hear this, she refused to leave. "I'm not leaving Becs. I do love you. I always have, and I always will."

Beca pressed the call button for the nurses. A voice came through the speaker. "May I help you, Captain Mitchell?"

"Can you send someone in here?" Beca refused to let Chloe help her. In fact, the only times Chloe managed to stay in the room was when she slipped in while Beca was asleep or at physical therapy. After Beca called, a nurse came in and quickly shooed Choe away after being told by the officer that she wanted to be left alone. Once she was sure the redhead had left, Beca asked the nurse to help her to the restroom. She certainly didn't want Chloe seeing her like this.

Beca hated feeling helpless.

* * *

She didn't remember much about the incident. One moment she has been riding patrol in an Afghanistan outpost and the next she was waking up in the hospital in Landstuhl, Germany. The days after waking up were somewhat a blur. She thought her father was there, and that she FaceTimed with her very worried fiancée, Chloe. One thing that wasn't a blur were the words of the doctor that continually echoed in her ears. "Below the knee amputation."

After being told she had lost her left leg. Beca called the nurses liars because she could still feel the damned thing; it hurt like hell. However, when she looked, her leg was indeed gone. She was left with only a stump wrapped with white gauze.

When she was stable enough for the long flight home, the military transferred Beca to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, the best treatment center for soldiers who lost limbs. Chloe was waiting for her. That was the first time she asked the redhead that question. The conversation rarely varied.

"Why are you here Chloe?"

"Because I love you, Beca."

"You can't love me. I'm not lovable. Just leave." She could see the hurt in Chloe's eyes, but the sooner Chloe left her, the better. Then they could both begin to heal. She couldn't offer Chloe any semblance of normal life and didn't want to hold the redhead back. Better to end things now before Chloe got any more trapped in her life as a cripple veteran.

* * *

_Flashback to pre-deployment_

_Beca's unit was making their final duty preparations before deploying to Afghanistan. She knew being ready for deployment was another step of life in the military. Beca knew she was duty-ready but didn't want to overlook home front preparations. Today she was visiting the post attorney to work on her legal affairs. She had recently made Chloe her designated beneficiary. Since they weren't yet married, Beca jumped through a few additional hoops to make sure things were set before she left._

_The ring box in her pocket felt heavy. She knew there was no time for a wedding before she deployed. Chloe had always talked about wanting a big wedding with all her family. And since this was a fast deployment, Beca hadn't even had a chance to ask the redhead to marry her. She carried the ring with her as a reminder of what she had to look forward to when she came home._

_The officer only had one day before her unit left for overseas. She was walking towards her pick-up when she saw someone sitting on the tailgate. As she got closer, she recognized the curly auburn hair belonging to her girlfriend. Beca ran over to her vehicle and swept Chloe up in a hug and gave her a chaste kiss._

_"Why are you here?" Beca was surprised since they had said their goodbyes before the Capitan left to prepare her troops._

_Chloe slid her arms down to grasp Beca's hands and flashed her gorgeous smile. "Because I love you, silly. I got an extra day off at work and decided to make the drive to get myself a few more kisses before you leave." Knowing the military frowned on excessive displays of affection, she tugged Beca towards the driver's side of the truck and pushed her in before running around to get in herself._

_Beca felt the always present ring box she carried digging against her leg as a warm feeling crept into her chest. She might be engaged before she left on this deployment after all. There was no time to plan a fancy proposal, but she didn't think Chloe would mind._

_The captain had a small one-bedroom in officers' quarters' housing. Because she was a captain, she wasn't required to vacate the housing when she deployed. While the house was humble, it was home. And better yet, she didn't have to pack up her belongings each time the army sent her to another war-torn country. The women decided to order Thai, Beca's favorite since she was going to be out of the country for at least six months. "Of all the foods I miss the most, it's a toss-up between Thai and a good pizza. But the chow halls sometimes manage to throw together a decent pizza on special occasions."_

_Once the food had come and was pretty much gone, Chloe and Beca lounged on the couch with Chloe rubbing her girlfriend's feet, another thing Beca missed when she was gone. The officer fiddled with the box in her pocket some more. "Chlo?" Her voice was timid and cautious. "Where do you see us in five years?"_

_She listened to Chloe's chatter for a few minutes before sitting up and putting her feet on the ground. When she pulled out the velvet box and kneeled in front of Chloe, the redhead froze before giving a high-pitched squeal of delight._

* * *

The physical therapists told her the healing process would be hard and grueling. As they saw her grit and determination, they were sure she would soon be able to be fitted with a prosthesis and on her way to recovery. While the sessions were exhausting and pushed her to the limit, Beca was most frustrated with Chloe's constant presence. She still loved the redhead but didn't want her there. Nobody should have to see a loved one so weak and helpless.

After a particularly difficult session, an attendant wheeled Beca back to her room. Chloe tried to help the man get her fiancée back into bed. When she grasped Beca's right elbow, the soldier wrenched it from Chloe's hands, lost her balance, and fell to the ground. As the aide was frantically trying to help Beca back up to the bed, the captain began her tirade.

"Why the _fuck _are you still here, Chloe?"

"Because I love you, Beca. I'm not leaving, and don't tell me I can't love you because I can. And I do." Chloe's eyes were full of tears.

Beca spit the next words out. "I. Am. Not. Lovable. Get. The. Fuck. Out." Chloe covered her mouth as she gasped. "Leave the ring on your way out," Beca added with as much vehemence as she could muster. These words were finally too much for Chloe to bear as the tears began to flow. She pulled off the engagement ring she had faithfully worn the entire time since Beca had slipped it on her finger. Chloe quietly laid it on the bedside table and fled the room.

Once the attendant had her safely situated in bed and had left, Beca began to weep. She was exhausted both physically as well as emotionally. Losing her leg had taken a lot out of her but losing Chloe hurt her even more.

* * *

When she had been at Walter Reed for a few months, Beca began to ask the therapists how close she was to being fitted with a prosthesis. They explained that because a blast injury caused her amputation, the wound was ragged. There had been no way to make a clean amputation except by going above the knee which the doctors had chosen not to do to save some mobility. Maybe in about four months, Beca would be ready to be fitted.

Physical therapy was going well, and the captain could get along well on crutches. She began working out her upper body and her other leg to help rebuild the muscle mass loss during the time she had spent immobile. Beca also attended regular private talk therapy sessions about the traumatic event and group sessions with other veterans who had lost limbs. The group sessions were helpful to pull Beca out of her pity-party state since so many were worse off than herself. One guy had lost both legs and part of an arm.

Through the entire process, thoughts of Chloe never strayed far from her mind. She held a lot of guilt for the way she had ended things, especially because her feelings for the woman hadn't changed. Beca had only broken up with her because she felt she had nothing left to offer. Her therapist assured her that if she loved her former fiancée, she had everything in the world to offer.

* * *

After nine months of hospital stays and therapy, doctors released Beca from Walter Reed. Her new prosthetic was high tech and designed for active-duty military. After consultation with her therapist, Beca decided to ride the rest of her current commitment training new soldiers. She'd make a decision about re-upping when that time came. She had a great deal of thinking about what to do with the rest of her life.

Almost a year in a hospital bed had brought a lot of perspective to the soldier's life. That and therapy. She finally admitted that she had royally screwed up by kicking Chloe out of her life, especially in such a cruel manner. She loved the redhead and couldn't see herself with anyone else in her life.

The hurt on Chloe's face was etched into her memory and Beca didn't feel she could earn back the trust of the woman she loved or if she even deserved the trust. But she never would forgive herself if she didn't try. Even if Chloe had moved on to someone else, she needed to apologize at least. She owed the redhead that much.

Beca held her breath and dialed a number that she wasn't sure why she had even kept in her phone.

"Aubrey Posen."

"Aubrey, it's Beca. Please don't hang up."

The blonde immediately went off on a yelling tirade calling Beca every name in the book and spouting months of held up anger into the phone. When she finally ran out of steam, she yelled, "what do you want Mitchell?"

"I need to talk to Chloe." Chloe's best friend began another screaming outburst. "Aubrey seriously. I need to do this." Beca's voice was pleading.

"What about Chloe's needs? Did you think of that?"

Beca was willing to take the woman's abuse because she felt she deserved a lot of it, and Aubrey was her only link to Chloe. She finally convinced Aubrey to arrange for Chloe to be at her house the next day for lunch and agreed Beca could come over. "If you make her cry, I'll make you regret this Mitchell."

* * *

The next day, the captain made sure her dress uniform was in perfect order. The ring she had made Chloe give back hung on a chain around her neck as it had since the day Chloe had left it on her bedside table. Truth was, the ring gave her strength, making her feel closer to Chloe despite her own awful words. She stopped at a florist to pick up a bouquet of yellow tulips, Chloe's favorite. She also got a bright mix of flowers for Aubrey, too, to be safe.

Her hands were shaking as she got out of her truck in front of Aubrey's house. She still didn't trust her left leg so walked with a cane as she carried both sets of flowers in the other hand. Her nerves were on end as she rang the doorbell. Aubrey opened the door, her frown softening a bit as Beca held out the flowers for her.

Beca used her cane to step over the threshold. "Bree, who's at the door?" Beca's eyes immediately began to tear up.

Chloe came around the corner and froze when she saw her ex standing there with yellow tulips. "Beca? "Why are you here?"

"Because I love you."


	2. Apologies?

Beca used her cane to step over the threshold. "Bree, who's at the door?" Beca's eyes immediately began to tear up.

Chloe came around the corner and froze when she saw her ex standing there with yellow tulips. "Beca? "Why are you here?"

"Because I love you."

Chloe didn't move, didn't speak. She stood just staring at Beca, shocked that the soldier had the nerve to show her face eight months after she sliced Chloe's heart open with a spray of words which could never be taken back. Beca had insisted she was not loveable, demanded Chloe get out and instructed her not to return.

The uniformed captain sat the vase of tulips down and took a step backward. Chloe snatched the flowers from the jar and pulled off the heads, one by one, throwing them into Beca's chest, words accentuating each throw. "Because? You? Love? Me? How! Dare! You! Get! The! Fuck! Out!" Chloe threw the rest of the blooms at Beca who stood there, taking the abuse.

"Chlo, I want to apolo…"

"NO!" Chloe was screaming. "You don't get to as much as talk to me. "Out. Get out." She grabbed the vase which was now empty of flowers and launched it towards Beca. Water flew out of the container as Beca raised her one free arm to protect her face. She turned to leave just as the vase bounced off the side of her head and shattered on the floor.

As Beca walked towards the door, Chloe found other items around Aubrey's house to hurl at her ex. A picture frame, a clock, a decorative box. Beca briefly paused before she passed Aubrey, who was still standing in the doorway. She reached into her pocket and gave an envelope to the blonde as she carefully stepped over the threshold.

Beca heard Chloe ranting at Aubrey then listened to the shredding of paper as the door shut behind her. She knew Chloe was tearing up the letter she had forged. She'd written it by hand but could write it again as she had every word memorized. And Beca would. She'd write the letter as many times as it took until Chloe read it.

* * *

Chloe and Aubrey walked up the stairs to Chloe's house and found another bouquet with a letter laying on top. "Ugh, Bree. She won't stop." The redhead bent down to retrieve the message before kicking the flowers off the porch. Her friend unlocked the door then dropped off the ripped up the letter in the garbage.

As Aubrey followed her friend through the door, she peered off the porch and saw a pile of different types of flowers all piled on the ground in various stages of decay – some were dried to bits while others were well on their way to death. "Chloe?"

"Look, I don't want her flowers, and I don't want her letter. Her words mean nothing to me. The only words that meant something were the last ones she shouted at me when I saw her last at the hospital when she told me to get the fuck out of her life."

Aubrey didn't want to appear supportive of Beca, but she also knew the soldier wasn't going to give up. "Chloe, you should at least read what she has to say. You don't have to talk to her. But she keeps coming by and leaving you a letter for a reason. Maybe it's her closure. Hell, maybe it's the closure you need. Lord knows you haven't been able to move past the relationship." She went to the trash and retrieved the shreds of the most recent letter.

The friends taped the strips together. Aubrey went to open a bottle of wine and let Chloe read in peace.

_Dear Chloe,_

_If you haven't figured out by now, I'm going to keep writing you this letter until I'm sure you've at least read one. I know that I've hurt you in so many ways and don't expect you to forgive me. What I do know is that I owe you an apology for the way I ended things in the hospital. You never deserved how I reacted, and frankly, I don't think I ever deserved you in my life._

_I also owe you a thank you. While my struggle was incredibly difficult without you by my side, I never stopped thinking about you. I leaned on memories of our time together to pull me through my rehab. And for that, I'm grateful._

_You deserve a better apology than flowers and a letter. I know you have no desire to talk to me, but I would like to speak to you in person. I accept full responsivity for my actions, and you deserve more than a bunch of flowers and a cheesy hand-written letter. You know how to find me._

_Always,_

_Beca_

While Beca's words had calmed Chloe some, the redhead was still upset and furious with the entire ordeal. "What do I do, Aubrey?" She leaned into her best friend's embrace.

"Only you can decide that Chloe."

Chloe reread the letter before picking up her phone and firing off a text to her ex.

_[To Beca: I read your letter.]  
__[To Beca: Give me some time, okay?]  
__[To Beca: I'll contact you when I'm ready.]_

* * *

Beca continued her work with new soldiers. Her favorite part about leading her company was the early morning physical training with the different platoons, particularly the two-mile runs. Beca's self=confidence had increased where she had no problem wearing her shorts with her prosthetic in full view.

The new soldiers were impressed with the dedication of their company commander and her willingness to display what some people might see as a physical flaw or weakness. PT allowed her to de-stress first thing in the morning and start her day off right. Beca then spent the rest of the day with administrative paperwork, then tactical classes.

Chloe sat on the bleachers on the edge of the PT fields watching Beca lead the men and women in sit-ups and push-ups before taking off on the coordinated run. The captain was leading the cadence as the soldiers ran in step. She even turned around and ran backward to motivate the stragglers at the back of the platoon. The redhead realized her heart, which had been frozen when Beca kicked her out of the hospital so many months ago, was slowly melting as she watched her ex shine.

Since she had watched Beca for a few days now, she knew that once Beca dismissed her troops, she'd head home for a quick shower before going back to her office at company headquarters. Keeping Beca's letter in mind, she steeled herself and readied to approach Beca in the parking lot as the captain walked towards her truck.

Beca had opened the door to her vehicle and was about to crawl in. "Hey." When Beca heard Chloe's voice, she froze. "Ummm thanks for all the flowers and the note."

Beca nodded that she heard her ex-fiancé. "I'm glad you finally read my letter."

"Yeah." Neither woman was sure what to say. Except for that afternoon at Aubrey's, the women had not seen each other since the hospital.

"You deserve a better apology than what I could write on a piece of paper. Can we, ummm, maybe get a drink or something?"

"How about coffee today after work at the place over close to where you live?" Beca looked hopeful as Chloe chuckled.

"Caffeine still doesn't affect you?"

"Nope. They have the tea you like so much …"

Chloe and Beca agreed to meet up once Beca finished work, around 6 p.m.

* * *

Chloe arrived at the café before Beca and got a table towards the back where their conversation wouldn't be interrupted. As her ex walked in, Beca motioned towards the order station. Chloe nodded as the captain turned to place their usual order. Once they were ready, Beca hung her cane on her arm so she could carry both drinks to the table.

"Oh, Beca, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"S'ok. I've learned to manage." She slid Chloe's herbal tea across the booth as she sipped on her coffee. "Coffee, the elixir of gods." The women sat for a bit, getting used to the silence between them. "Thank you for meeting me, Chloe."

"Did I have a choice? You weren't giving up."

Beca sighed, blowing her hair out of her eyes. "No, I wasn't Chloe. Because you deserve far better than what I gave you in that hospital room. You never deserved that. I wanted to apologize for the pain I caused you. I regret it with all my heart."

The captain went on to explain her situation a bit more. She told Chloe how she had lost all faith in herself to be able to provide for Chloe and at the time felt Chloe shouldn't bear the burden of a disabled person. When she had told her ex that she was unlovable, Beca truly believed that. "I'm not trying to give you excuses, Chlo. However, these are the reasons why those ugly, awful words came from my mouth."

"I don't expect you to forgive me, and I know I've blown your trust. But I wanted you to hear how sorry I am. I don't deserve you, and frankly, I never did." By now, Chloe's brave soldier had tears streaking her face.

The redhead was glad she had sat facing the door so Beca's back could be towards the doors. The other customers couldn't see what was going on at the table. She had walked in with so much anger in her heart; however, now her heart was breaking for the officer. Chloe reached across the booth and placed a hand on her forearm. "Beca."

The brunette pulled her arms away and rubbed her eyes dry with her hands. Chloe reached over again, capturing Beca's hand. "Beca, look at me." When Beca tried to pull away, Chloe squeezed tight, not letting go. "Look at me." Finally, the soldier lifted her eyes. "It's going to be okay. I don't know what's next, but I do know you are going to be okay. I'm going to be okay."

Chloe searched Beca's eyes for understanding. She knew the brunette's apology was sincere; she just knew she'd have to take some time before she could even consider forgiving Beca. "Give me some space, time. We have some more things to discuss. I'm just not ready at this point."

Beca nodded before squeezing Chloe's hand one last time. She then made her way out of the booth and slowly trod towards the door. The redhead rubbed her temples with her fingers then picked up her phone and texted Aubrey.

_[To Aubrey: Headed home from the coffee shop]  
__[To Aubrey: Can you come over?]  
__[To Chloe: Sure. On my way.]_

* * *

When Chloe got home, she tossed her keys on the table beside the door. A glass of wine sure sounded good, or a bottle… She pulled down two glasses from her cabinet and a bottle of chilled red from her refrigerator. When Aubrey came in, Chloe was halfway through her first glass, and Aubrey's was filled and waiting on her. The blonde took a seat across from Chloe and sipped on her wine. The friends sat in silence for a few minutes as they enjoyed the drink.

Finally, Aubrey broke the silence. "How'd it go?"

Chloe took a deep breath, blew it out, and spoke. "I'm not sure Bree. Okay? I guess."

"You guess?"

Chloe explained how Beca's apology seemed contrite and heartfelt. "I don't recall ever seeing Beca cry before and certainly not in public." When Aubrey asked if Chloe was going to be able to forgive her ex, the redhead explained that the possibility was slight but there nonetheless.

* * *

A week or so after the meeting with Beca and Chloe, Aubrey received a fancy envelope with thick paper. She slipped her hand finger beneath the flap to open the envelope and withdrew the parchment within and read. Once she finished, she sat on the couch and read again. The paper was an invitation to a ceremony the next weekend for herself and a plus one. A short handwritten note was also enclosed.

Aubrey messaged Chloe and asked her to be her plus one. She was relieved that Chloe didn't ask what type of ceremony they were attending. She just appeared on Aubrey's doorstep at the designated time wearing appropriate clothing.

"Ummm Aubrey, why are we going on the military post?"

The blonde handed the invitation to the gate guard for inspection and received directions to their destination. Chloe asked again. "Aubrey, why are we here?"

Aubrey parked and looked over at her friend. "Just get out, Chloe. We can sit at the back. She never has to know you are here."

The Purple Heart Award ceremony was honoring four soldiers who had been injured overseas, including Beca, and two who had lost their lives. Rows of folding chairs were arranged in the grass in front of the stage. Soldiers were seating on stage with what seemed to be family members on the other side.

The actual ceremony was very moving as the battalion commander's speech told the story of his serious shrapnel injuries from a long-forgotten war that resulted in his own Purple Heart. The families of the lost soldiers were presented with their medals and certificates first. Then each of the other soldier's families came forward to pin the Purple Heart awards on their soldiers.

When Beca stood to have her company commander award hers to her, she caught a glimpse of red hair sitting in the back corner. Her heart leaped as she realized that Aubrey had come through for her. As much as Beca had longed for Chloe to be pinning her medal to her uniform, having her here meant the world. Beca proudly stood for her pinning before shaking her commander's hand, saluting him, and taking her seat. She tried to not stare in the direction of her ex, fearful she would scare Chloe away.

As soon as the ceremony was over, Beca went in search of Chloe and Aubrey. When she could not find them in the crowd, she was disappointed, but at least they had come.

* * *

Chloe was fuming as she walked back to the parking lot. "I thought you were my friend, Bree. That was not cool. You could have at least warned me."

Aubrey explained that she had only received the invitation a few days earlier along with a hand-written note from Beca asking her not to tell Chloe. "The ceremony was important to her. She wanted you there."

Chloe didn't speak to her friend back to the house. But she couldn't escape the vision of the other soldiers on stage having supportive family members participating in the ceremony while Beca had been alone. Maybe Chloe had had enough space, for now, and it was time for another conversation with her ex.

* * *

_[To Beca: The ceremony was beautiful]  
__[To Chloe: Thank you for coming. It meant a lot to me.]  
__[To Beca: I really didn't have a choice. Bree was sneaky.]  
__[To Chloe: Don't be mad at her; that was my fault.]_

Chloe thought for a few minutes, took a deep breath, and texted again.

_[To Beca: Ummm I thought maybe we could get together again.]  
__[To Chloe: I'd like that]  
__[To Beca: Lunch tomorrow?]  
__[To Chloe: I have group therapy on Saturday mornings. Then we usually grab a bite afterward.]  
__[To Chloe: Dinner?]_

Shocked that Beca had been open with her about the reason she couldn't do lunch, Chloe quickly agreed. Considering she wanted to have a conversation more private than a restaurant could provide, Chloe suggested Beca come to her place for take-out. After they decided on a time, they ended the chat.

* * *

The next evening, Beca showed up early to Chloe's house with tulips in hand. As she climbed the steps, she glanced down to see that sometime in the past few days, the redhead had cleaned up the mess of old flowers that had been trashed in the flower bed. She only hoped that Chloe could enjoy these, and Beca wouldn't end up wearing them.

When Chloe opened the door, her eyes dropped to the flowers that Beca held out. "You don't give up Captain Mitchell, do you? What? No vase?"

"No, I don't give up. And a vase? Not on your life. I value my face." The officer chuckled as she went to where she knew Chloe kept some spare vases and artfully arranged the flowers. "I hope you can enjoy these."

Chloe thanked her for all the flowers she had been sending and promised that she'd kept all the ones since they met at the coffee shop.

The women decided on Chinese food and called in their order. Chloe opened a couple of beers and handed one to Beca who had taken a seat in an armchair. The redhead decided to blurt out what had been on her mind.

"In your letter, you said you never stopped thinking about me…"

"You just jump right in, don't you?" Beca explained that she knew she'd made a mistake the moment Chloe walked out the door, but her psyche and her pride kept her from reaching out before her rehab was complete. "I was in that damned hospital for nine months, Chloe. Rehab was harder than anyone could explain." Beca was playing with a chain around her neck. "Thoughts of you honestly brought me through each day."

The soldier had never worn any type of jewelry before. Chloe eyed the chain around Beca's neck, thinking how strange this change was. The redhead started to ask then decided that was Beca's story to tell.

Beca nervously drained her beer. As she got up to retrieve another, the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of their food. She sat the food on the table then got her second beer. "Umm do you mind if we sit here?" She motioned to the table. "It's more comfortable for me."

"Oh, of course." Chloe leaped up and got plates from the cabinet.

The women spent the rest of the evening visiting about randomness. They talked about Chloe's work with her students, about Beca's rehab, Chloe's family, and Beca's recruits. The conversation was relaxed, non-intrusive.

"I've missed talking to you like this Becs."

"Same, Chlo. God, I can't believe I'm here with you. And that we are talking. Civilly."

Chloe explained that she understood Beca had gone through an ordeal. "Beca, I loved you so much for so long. Hell, I was going to marry you for Christ's sake. You've gone to extraordinary lengths to worm your way through my walls to give me an apology that you whole-heartedly feel I deserve."

"You deserve all that and more, Chlo."

After talking a bit longer, Chloe found herself not wanting Beca to leave. She had been honest when she said she'd missed talking to her. But she knew she still needed time to process. When Beca left, Chloe gave her a brief hug before letting her walk out the door.


	3. Progress?

Chloe spent several restless nights contemplating the situation with Beca. Seeing the brunette again had sparked her love for the woman, but the redhead was struggling to get past the abruptness of how their relationship had ended. The pain she'd felt over the last months was intense and embedded deep within her. While Beca was spending regular time in traditional therapy, Chloe depended on conversations with Aubrey to try to sort out her emotions.

Aubrey emphasized how Chloe needed to be the driving force behind her own recovery and take charge of her feelings. "I can't make the decisions for you pal. All I can do is be here and support any decision you may make."

As the week marched on into the next weekend and the next week, Beca was respecting Chloe's wishes by not intruding into her space by asking for more time together. The soldier had apologized which was her goal. The rest, if there was to be anything else, was left up to Chloe. And nearly two weeks later, Chloe decided to explore her emotions. She didn't want to be wondering 'what-if' several years down the road.

_[To Beca: Hey Becs. Hope work is treating you well.]  
__[To Chloe: Chlo! Things have been going okay. How've you been?]  
__[To Beca: Good, thanks for asking.]  
__[To Beca: I was wondering what you were doing Saturday after group?]  
__[To Chloe: No group this weekend, and I'm free. What's up?]  
__[To Beca: I know you aren't the fondest of movies, but I don't think I'm ready for public yet. So I thought I'd see if you were interested in suffering through a movie or two with me?]_

Beca was glad the redhead couldn't see the hope and excitement on her face. As much as she despised movies, she'd suffer through it in a heartbeat to spend time with Chloe.

_[To Chloe: Sure! How about my place this time?]_

The women decided to get an early start in the mid-afternoon. Delivery for dinner and Chloe would bring the movie snacks.

* * *

Going into Saturday, Chloe was increasingly anxious about again spending time with Beca alone. But the thought of being with Beca in public felt even more difficult. A quick trip to the store allowed her to pick up some of their favorite movie snacks and some new ones she'd discovered over the last year. She also picked up a variety of beer which she knew would go well with the pizza Beca would inevitably order.

The conversation was surprisingly comfortable between the pair, and Beca was able to stay awake through the movies and shows they watched. As expected, Beca ordered a pizza. Despite the copious amounts of candy and snacks they ate, they were also able to polish off an entire large pizza between them.

After they ate, Beca began to rub her left leg, massaging the area right below her knee. "You okay?" Chloe was concerned that Beca's leg was bothering her.

"Yeah, but do you mind?" Beca motioned to her leg.

Chloe told her to do what she needed to do to be comfortable, and Beca disappeared into the bedroom. When she emerged, she was on a pair of crutches, wearing shorts. She had removed her prosthesis and had a thin knitted cover slipped over the stump on her lower leg. She sat on the couch and laid the crutches on the floor.

"Sorry. Sometimes my leg needs a break." She reached for an afghan resting on the back of the couch and went to hide her leg from view.

"You don't have to do that, Beca. It doesn't bother me to see." Chloe made sure Beca could see her eyes and know that she was being honest. She glanced back down at the brunette's missing limb. "Does it hurt?"

Beca shook her head. "The leg itself, no. Sometimes I still get flashes of phantom pain where the rest of it used to be though. Messes with my head some, but I've gotten better in dealing with it."

Chloe moved from the chair to the couch next to Beca. "May I? Or is it rude to ask?" Beca shook her head and removed the cover from her stump. Chloe cautiously reached out and gently touched Beca's leg, cupping the stump in her palm and examining the ropey scare where doctors had stitched the flaps of skin back together. When her curiosity was satisfied, she moved back to her chair. And the two started another movie.

* * *

Chloe woke with a start and realized she wasn't in her bedroom. She must have fallen asleep during the last movie because she was curled up on Beca's couch with a warm fuzzy blanket tucked around her. Beca had also tucked a pillow beneath her head and made sure her cell phone was within reach. She checked the time and decided that she had no business heading home at three am. She might as well spend the rest of the night on Beca's couch. The redhead hoped Beca had kept some of her pajamas since she didn't think she could comfortably fall back asleep in her jeans and t-shirt.

Chloe quietly crept into Beca's bedroom and opened the drawer where she used to store her things. The brunette was undoubtedly a creature of habit and hadn't moved a single thing. Using the light on her phone, Chloe found her favorite pair of pajamas and went to the bathroom to change.

Seeing herself in the mirror wearing the yellow pajamas with the blue duckies made her chuckle. Beca had always teased her about this pair of pajamas and her hedgehog slippers. Chloe quickly brushed her teeth, removed what was left of her make-up, and left the bathroom.

As she tried to sneak back to the couch, a noise stopped her. Beca sounded like she was whimpering, crying almost, as she thrashed in the bed. The noise was heartbreaking. Chloe thought maybe Beca was reliving the explosion in which she had lost her leg or some other horrors of the war. Then she heard the whispers.

"No. Please. Please don't leave me, Chlo. I'm so sorry. Please. I need you. Come back. I'm sorry."

Tears immediately sprung to Chloe's eyes as she walked to Beca's bed. The soldier was drenched in sweat from the dream her mind was ensconced in. She made a split-second decision and eased down to sit on the bed, touching Beca's shoulder gently. "Shhh, Becs. It's okay. I'm right here." She rubbed up and down on the brunette's arm.

Beca shoved the redhead's hand away before grumbling. "No. I don't want you. I want my Chloe. Please. Bring my Chloe back. Tell her I love her. I need her."

Chloe leaned over and wrapped her arms around Beca. "Shhh Becs, it's okay. It's Chloe. I'm right here." She brushed Beca's hair with her hand and laid her head on Beca's shoulder.

After a few moments, Beca calmed down and fell into a deep slumber. When Chloe was sure the captain was asleep, she eased off the bed and went back to the couch.

* * *

The next morning, Beca woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. She shuffled out to the kitchen. "Hullo," she gruffly said as she poured a cup of coffee. "Thanks." She lifted the cup to Chloe in a mock-cheers before taking a sip.

"Good morning. Thanks for letting me sleep here Beca. You didn't have to do that."

"I couldn't exactly wake you up and kick you to the curb, now could I?" Beca snatched a piece of cooked bacon. "I see you found your god-awful pajamas." She grinned at Chloe.

Chloe wasn't sure if she should address what she'd heard in Beca's bedroom. Maybe she'd talk to Aubrey before bringing it up with her ex. Whatever she had heard and messed with her head, and Chloe wasn't quite sure how to handle it.

* * *

Over time, the two women spent more time getting to know each other again – Chloe learning about the psyche of war injuries and Beca working on rebuilding Chloe's trust. Days turned into weeks, and soon, they had been on good terms, as friends, with each other for several months. Chloe still hadn't addressed Beca's dreams. And since they had not spent the night in the same house again, there was not an opportunity to do so. Their interactions had been limited to innocent dates, a movie or two, and take out.

One afternoon, the pair were sharing a colossal, triple scoop banana sundae. "Hey, Chloe. I'm going on a retreat next weekend – three nights." While the redhead would never admit it out loud, she knew immediately she'd miss being able to see Beca. She'd gotten used to having her back in her life, even if just as a friend. "It's kinda like an extension on therapy," Beca explained that some of the soldiers going had injuries while others didn't. One thing they had in common was they each suffered some PTSD.

Beca then explained it was a family retreat to help spouses and significant others deal with what their soldier was experiencing. "Ummm I know we aren't together." Beca sputtered and was stumbling over her words. "I just thought that since we seem to be on good terms right now that you might be interested in going."

The soldier slid a pamphlet across the table. "They've already assigned me a two-bedroom cabin, so there's no pressure. Or I can get you a separate cabin… Anyway, look it over and see if it's something you might be interested in." When Beca finally got herself to stop talking, she about kicked herself for her word vomit. Now she knew that Chloe surely wouldn't come.

Chloe slid the pamphlet back across the table, and Beca's heart fell. She knew Chloe might reject her but had hoped she'd at least consider it. When the redhead said, "I'd be honored to go," Beca's grin stretched across her face.

"Don't feel like you have to talk in the sessions or anything. But I think it'd do you, well both of us, good to hear from other people."

* * *

Rather than going home, Chloe went by Aubrey's house and told the blonde about the retreat. Aubrey explained what a commitment the time would be. "This will either be the beginning of you both healing and either moving away from each other – or towards each other. Are you going to be okay if this process guides you to let go of Beca?

"I love her Bree. As badly as she hurt me, I've never stopped loving her. You know this." Chloe thought for a minute. "But yes, whichever direction this weekend takes me, I'm ready to move forward."

* * *

The extended weekend retreat was unusual for Chloe, to say the least. There were several types of group therapy sessions – survivors only, significant others only, mixed. Also, there was couples' counseling and individual counseling by request. The service members like Beca had been in on-going therapy, and while they received some benefit, the retreat seemed more designed for their support system of loved ones to understand their service member's experiences better.

During the first night, despite the separate bedrooms, Chloe was awoken in the middle of the night by Beca's whimpers. While hearing her had always been in the back of her mind, she had forgotten how painful it was to hear Beca cry out for her. She went in for a short period to try to calm the captain before returning to her bed.

The next day, Chloe requested a private counseling session for herself. She gave the therapist a brief background of her and Beca's situation then explained the dreams the captain had been having. "I don't know what to do for her. She seems to be hurting so much, and I can't stand it. I can't stand not doing anything."

They talked about the things Chloe would and wouldn't be comfortable with doing. When Chloe admitted that what she wanted most was to curl up in bed behind Beca and hold her all night, the therapist asked her why she didn't do that.

"I don't know how Beca would respond."

"Weren't you the person hurt in this situation? If Beca is calling out for you in her sleep, don't you feel she'd appreciate the comfort? If what you want most is to comfort her, you should think about that."

Chloe talked through her feelings for a bit longer before it was time for lunch.

* * *

The second night, Chloe couldn't sleep at all. She was afraid she wouldn't hear Beca in the next bedroom and that the tiny captain would spend a restless night battling her dreams. When the redhead heard Beca thrashing around in her bed, Chloe grabbed a bottle of water and headed to the other bedroom. She was going to try another tactic.

"Hey. Becs, wake up." Chloe gently shook Beca, who was startled awake. "You had a bad dream. I brought you some water."

Beca twisted the cap off and guzzled down the bottle in one drink.

"You okay? What were you dreaming about?"

Beca shrugged before letting herself fall back to the bed. Her eyes were closed, and Chloe could tell that the woman would soon be back to sleep. Chloe went back to her room and didn't hear anything else from Beca's the rest of the night.

* * *

On the last full day, Chloe had heard so many stories from both soldiers and family alike that she was beginning to get a much stronger understanding of Beca's actions in the hospital over a year ago. The knowledge didn't ease her ache but knowing made it possible to bear. Many of the other loved ones seemed to be moving towards their acceptance as well. Chloe also felt the retreat was bringing her and Beca even closer together.

On this day, Beca and Chloe had a couple's session. The therapist was the same who Chloe had talked to the day before but didn't give any indication she was going to have them address the dreams. Chloe was surprised when the therapist simply gave them time to talk in a safe environment.

"Here's your chance, Chloe. Ask Beca any of those questions that have been in your mind over the last year since her accident."

Chloe looked at Beca then down at her hands in her lap then back at Beca. The gold chain she'd been seeing was peeking from beneath Beca's t-shirt. The jewelry itself didn't bother Chloe; she was curious, though. Obviously, Beca wasn't going to bring it up, so she decided to ask. She pointed towards Beca's shirt. "The chain? What is it? You've never worn jewelry the entire time we dated."

Beca looked like she was going to cry. She gulped before continuing. "Ummm Stacie brought it to me in the hospital. The day after I had you leave." She began fiddling with the chain as she looked down. When she finally looked up, at Chloe, they locked eyes as Beca pulled the chain from beneath her shirt. Hanging on the chain was Chloe's engagement ring.

Chloe gasped and slapped her hand over her mouth. She reached for a tissue and began to dab the tears leaking from her eyes. She reached over and touched the ring with her finger, clasping it in her fist before letting go.

"I never stopped thinking about you, Chloe. I told you. I knew I made a mistake the moment I sent you out the door. But you were with me. Always. Without you, I would never have made it to where I am today."

Right then and there, Chloe made her decision.

* * *

Chloe went to bed that night, fully expecting Beca to have her night terrors again. The redhead knew what she wanted to do, what she had to do. She couldn't let Beca suffer anymore. The moment Beca's whimpers started, Chloe quietly padded into the other bedroom.

She eased herself under the covers next to Beca, whispered comforting words into her ear, and stroked her hair until Beca had fallen completely asleep without the dreams. This time Chloe didn't leave. Her arms were wrapped around Beca, holding her in a safe, dream-free cocoon.

The next morning, Chloe felt Beca stir. The brunette was still in Chloe's arms and had a confused look on her face when she rolled over to look at Chloe.

"Chloe?" Beca cleared the sleep from her throat. "Chloe, why are you here?"

"Because I love you."


End file.
